Somedays, you'll back down to your fears
Learn to forgive yourself that day
At times, you'll fall short of own expectations
Find the courage to pick yourself again
On occassions, you'll serve your efforts on platter
It hurts but serves to know better next time
On occassions, your favourite people will fail you
Go easy on your eyes that night
At times, no one will seem to understand
Expect less and stand own ground those days
Somedays, your dreams shall seem impossible
Take a pause and then work double hard that day.
It’s like those little achievements and joys that none can understand on your behalf but sometimes you gotta get that pie and celebrate with yourself. Sometimes, it is not just about arriving but also celebrating the road even if it doesn’t account for too much.
It isn’t just tough but finding your path is also a slightly draining process and a lonely road sometimes. On days, I don’t know how to configure my thoughts, I return to my blogs for chance to fumble upon pieces to re-explore those moments of creativity and courage savoured by my most loyal pen.
I have left and returned a million times over but writing has completed my soul in ways I never thought was possible. I found my calling to be bigger than this but writing would always remain my love. My humble journey with WordPress showed me that writing indeed was my gift that deserved some efforts and nurturing.
All these milestones that show up on the app sometimes may hold no resonance but reminds me how far I have come from where I had begun. It inspires me to stay on board forever even if I am hardly on the radar for months sometimes.
Many ask me how I can write well. The most honest answer really is, “I don’t know!” I love some of my works but have also learnt to live with the bullshit that I write sometimes. In the past five years, I have just learned to let it flow; pen holds your hand and teaches you on its own.
I have poured my heart when I found new friends, wanted to celebrate my bonds and even when I felt angry or heartbroken beyond words.
I found my first real readers on this space even before I learnt to write and even if it is just one like on a post, it remains equally valuable and special for me.
For some weird reason, I can never manage to bring my professional writer in here as it remains a space reserved for my heart, A space that remains pure from the obligations of cash. Even if no one would read my blog, I think I would still come back to pour my heart.
PS – A big thank you, lots of love and appreciation for all those who had been taking the time and supporting this amateur. 🌺❣️❣️❣️❣️
I had woken up on time and started my day on a pleasant note. A feat you’ll know if you have been running down on constant thoughts of helplessness & despair and sleep cycles of stress & procrastination. I was almost euphoric over my little milestone until I failed myself (once again).
I had gone ahead, as usual, voicing my confusion; giving her a chance to dump a new set of responsibilities on my shoulders. Yet, my potential sickness post-vaccination failing to save me from forced responsibilities came as a rather unkind shock. I spent hours fuming over the person in charge.
Mom listened with patience to my day’s tale. But, encouraging my stress hormones post vaccination wasn’t on her agenda. She simply told me to work hard enough that I someday could have the requisite position to reward goodness as I felt strongly for the case of competence over butter.
The fact of the moment remains that irrespective of our emotions about the same, power would continue to lie with authorities and we can’t always choose our bosses.
It reminded me of yet another lesson that had made its way to my keyboard this semester. Prof. Archana R Singh had aptly given us the most pragmatic formula for thriving in our professions.
Besides all the emotional inspiration; it is really the most basic fact about life. You can either adapt to the swing life offers or you will perish in no time as life moves on. To expect people to reward your competence or ethics is rather irrational.
Thriving without compromising your basic values is your personal ambition. Moreover, it isn’t like you are the only honest soul out there. But you must also learn to make your way irrespective of the route your fellow takes. Honest can still survive, competent can still thrive. But you must remain willing to put in the hours it takes to take the longer route.
We all have felt that apparent helplessness when somebody in the position of authority abused their power to get things their way. We might have suffered injustice along the sides. But our crying over the same doesn’t do us any good.
Every now and then; we conveniently remark how levels of humanity and compassion are dwindling in the world; how we have been wronged and felt powerless in our position. But, if we could just look around ourselves how many times in a year do we even think about taking the effort to reward kindness, novel initiatives or even basic goodness for that matter.
We literally teach people to be selfish and limit themselves to their own battles by exploiting them every single time they attempt to defy the odds and be kind. People in our country literally stopped taking accident victims to the hospital in the fear of false accusations and legal implications.
Everyone would love to help you on your Facebook yet none of those people who claim to have sympathies for you would ever dare to show up for you when life hits you on the head. The honest fact is even the best of your friends also have their own battles to fight. I would also love to feel sorry for each of us but apologies. It simply isn’t the way life works. You augment or you perish. Life’s business is as plain as that.
PS – Title Inspiration Courtesy: Prof. Archana R Singh, “Augment or Perish“
“Please start the lessons in offline mode,” urged the 25-year old postgraduate student from Afghanistan.
Lida Halim is currently enrolled in the 2-year Master’s course in journalism and mass communication at Panjab University. She hails from Takhar province in Afghanistan and presently lives in the capital city of Kabul.
Talking about her experience with PU; Lida says “I was unlucky that I could not meet my friends, classmates, professors, and the city beautiful Chandigarh.”
Virtual classrooms have left one with diminished learning returns and even less memories of much awaited academic years. The lethal second wave and extended online sessions have been of little respite. It has also raised agonising concerns among students about their future. Studying abroad is a dream come true for many. But, the current arrangements can be even more challenging for foreign students.
Lida said, “I knew that the journey would start online but I had hoped to be in Chandigarh by the end of first semester. The entire first year is about to finish but I am still in Afghanistan.”
Echoing the emotions of her many colleagues and contemporaies, Lida noted that the present arrangement is not as useful for the students especially for international students like herself. She said that internet and electricity issues make it difficult for her to attend online classes regularly.
On being asked what inspired her to join the journalism course; she credits her graduation days. Lida completed her graduation in journalism and mass communication in Persian language from Balkh University in Mazar-i-Sharif.
She recalled, “Journalism not was my favourite field at the time but after joining the university, I got interested in pursuing this profession and now I love it. I know it is difficult to be a journalist in Afghanistan, but, you must accept all risks.”
She further cited positive feedback from various Afghan students about India and the varsity which prompted her to apply for the MJMC course in School of Communication Studies at Panjab University. She also thanked her professors and classmates for all the help and support.
However, she also expressed her dejection over losing out on a year of learning and memories owing to online education in the pandemic. She expressed hope that the upcoming final year begins offline and she can compensate for the things lost in the first year.
The story was originally covered for the Student Reporter of Panjab University.
Life is serious but living can be Kaloli. Depending on your Charlie Chaplin quotient, life can be a tragedy or comedy. Pandemic may not let us immerse in the world outside but apparently learning should begin at home. Despite her creative efforts, our minds still seem trapped inside their bonny boxes. So, we thought, let’s start small and begin ideation experiments with her Cisco home. Why not learn painting on her white library walls?
This one subject called Creative Non Fiction was the Hindi of Journalism until her high intelligence took over. Our semester has just begun but any honest soul within the class will already accept anticipating fears of creative assignments being given to our not so creative heads. While her Punjabi brings us a smile; our under the rock awareness are often the cause for her helpless amusement.
Oh Sorry! Half a minute is already over; syllabus has surfaced on the agenda. If you happen to feel a little dumb or maybe stupid or unaware; don’t worry, you are absolutely normal! We can all be a little less intelligent but you can always add Google instruction on the side margin. But, if you think you are smart and have multi-tasking abilities; we dare you to chat while she is teaching and not miss half the syllabus.
We wanted to praise but then doubt if it can really get us grace marks. So, why not just utilize the opportunity to vent our heart and voice our inferiority complexes. But, to her credit, she isn’t really so strict that you can’t raise your concerns. She is just like a loving mom who values nutritious bitter gourd a little more than our everyday pizza and fast food cravings. It’s just that to our dismay; her deadlines actually die on the proclaimed second itself.
This blog isn’t an inspiration you need to be kind nor about all the big things that demand our attention. It is about those routine behaviours where kindness can leave you feeling stupid and self interests seem justified.
It would be fair to say, I have had a rather confusing equation with kindness. Being surrounded by ever so helpful folks all my life and seeing them suffer for their goodness had left me with a little less passions to be all so good and kind.
However, blame it on their genes or their upbringing, as much as I hated my share being stolen, I equally despised stealing anybody else’s fair share through manipulations and dishonesty. One thing that continued to leave me angry if not helpless, people trying to take advantage of people who were helpful and compassionate.
But, as I grew older, I begin to realise that while their actions aren’t ours to control; what we think about is slightly more manageable than we think. Being aware and smart doesn’t necessarily need to be grounded in negativity. While it may be absurd and stupid, a tiny bit of ignorance isn’t all so bad if it keeps you sane.
As I grew older, I luckily found people who would go on to re-inspire me to be a better person than the one who would only know how to fend for one’s own self. One thing I can’t credit to anything else but fate has been my immense fortunes at coming across and getting to keep some of the most good hearted ordinary people you can meet.
Showing me wonders of patience and active listening, God continued to keep me surrounded with men and women (both inside and outside my home) who wouldn’t encourage my cribbing about the state of affairs but inspired me to take care.
When probably most other best friends were busy encouraging that first trip and first alcoholic sip; mine would illustrate differences between “good for nothing” sympathies and all the difference that one little act of empathetic compassion can make.
But, even more importantly, I guess being kind has quintessentially been my way of reciprocating goodness that I continue to receive but may or may not have the chance to directly reciprocate.
Conversely, on the other hand, you can’t always expect others to reciprocate and understand either. Yet, one thing that you do get to control and manage are your individual contributions to the whole. It’s easier to lose hope and call it a wicked world — which it can be on many days — but we are all gifted with the power and independence to at least decide what we send out to the universe.
On days, like most of us, I too am disheartened to see my few kind deeds going in vain; and even worse, reciprocated with selfish motives or despise. But, on those days, I have also learnt that following my once favourite “Tit for Tat” policy has done them less harm in comparison to how intoxicated it has left my brain.
There have been occasions, you wondered and complemented, “How can someone be so sweet!” In the moment, I am most likely to smile and be flattered until it begins to become a backache. The point where people feel it within their rights to invade your privacy, burden your schedules with their share of obligations. It is then that those two sweet words of gratitude and even those red coloured heart emojis just feel like a box of candies giving you a diabetes.
But, on the many occasions that complement is well placed and comes from a genuine place; I have only wished to communicate, kindness isn’t my inherent virtue but a choice I have learnt to make to take my shots at making the world, a little better place.
Rather, fetching for myself is a thing that comes more naturally to me. But, what the years have time and again clarified for me were the fine lines between help and unnecessary crutches. As one of my best friends indirectly taught me that being nice isn’t about them but more about who you are and what you want to be.
Among the many fond memories I returned with, it was probably the most beautiful lesson from my little stint at South Korea. There was no way I could have done anything in return for all those people who had generously helped me with an open heart without expecting anything in return during my exchange. It has been a lesson that I had learnt then but have continued to remember, forget and recall ever since.
कुछ एक आते-जाते लोगों के चेहरे पर लगे मास्क को अगर नज़रंदाज़ कर दिया जाए, तो इस पानी-पूरी की रेहड़ी पर शायद अब सब पहले-सा हो गया है। मेरा बेझिझक गोलगप्पे की पूरी प्लेट खाने के बाद भी खाली पापड़ी का मांगना या उस एक टिक्की की दरख्वास्त; जो गोलगप्पे वाले दीदी के साथ और अपने शहर के अपनेपन का अहसास कराती है।
मैं यूं तो अक्सर गोलगप्पों के लिए यहां आती हूं पर उस दिन एक ख़ास काम से आई थी। इस उम्मीद में कि गोलगप्पों के माध्यम से कोरोनाकाल में रेहड़ी-पटरी वालों के संघर्ष और उम्मीद की एक कहानी तलाश सकूं।
दिन के हाल-चाल के बाद और सारी बात बताने के बाद मैंने अपने सवालों का सिलसिला शुरू किया।
प्र० आपका कोरोना काल में अनुभव कैसा रहा? उ० …” अच्छा तो नहीं था।”
प्र० आप लॉकडाउन में क्या करते थे? उ० “सोचते रहते थे।”
उन्होंने जवाब तो दिया पर मुझे मिला नहीं। उनका कम शब्दों में दिया, शांत और लगभाग अनकहा जवाब मेरी समझ से कुछ परे था। लेकिन, फिर धीरे-धीरे उनका जवाब और उसके साथ आती चुपी मानो खुद ही खुद में उनकी बात बयां करने लगी।
मैं कुछ नए जवाब की उम्मीद में उन से पूछती, “आपको लॉकडाउन के वक्त कैसा लगा; लॉकडाउन में आपकी दिनचर्या क्या थी; इत्यादि?” मध्यम वर्ग और अधिक आय के अधिकतम लोगों के लिए लॉकडॉउन का शुरुआती दौर, कम से कम कुछ शुरुआती दिन, आराम भरे थे। पर शायद रोज़ पैसा कमा कर खाने वालों के लिए ये चिंता से कम कुछ भी नहीं था। कोरोनाकाल में प्रवासी मजदूरों की कहानियां तो बहुत सुनी और पढ़ी थीं, पर इस बात की अनुभूति उस शाम को हुई।
मेरे बार-बार पूछने पर, ग्राहकों के बर्गर बनाते हुए दीदी बेहद सादगी से कहती, “बस बैठे-बैठे सोचते रहते थे।… हां रामायण पूरा परिवार साथ देखता था। खबरें के सहारे कुछ वक्त निकल जाता था । सोचते रहते थे कि कब ये लॉकडाउन खुले पर फिर खबरों में लगातार बढ़ते कोरोना मामलों के बारे में सुन कर डर भी लगता था। घर भी नहीं जा सकते थे, जो जा रहे थे (~प्रवासी मज़दूरों के सामने आ रहे विडियो), उन्हें भी पुलिस वापिस भेज रही थी।”
बात आगे बढ़ाते हुए जब मैंने उनके बच्चों के बारे में पूछा, तो दीदी ने हंसते हुए जवाब दिया कि बाहर खेलने वाले बच्चों को पूरा दिन घर पर बैठना कैसे अच्छा लगता। इत्तेफ़ाक से बड़े बेटे की परीक्षाएं लॉकडाउन से कुछ दिन पहले ही खत्म हुई थी परंतु बेटी तो अभी पहली में हुई थी। यूं तो फोन पर आई वीडियो और रेहड़ी के पास वाली दुकान की मालकिन के माध्यम से वो कुछ कुछ पढ़ती रहती है परंतु पिछले 10 माह की ट्यूशन फीस कैसे भरेंगे, यह चिंता अब भी उन्हें सताती रहती है।
पर शायद जिंदगी अपने आप में एक विरोधाभास भी है। जहां एक ओर थी पैर पसार रही बेरोजगारी और लगातार लोगों में बढ़ रहा तनाव; दूसरी ही ओर इस निराशा के माहौल में कोरोना ने दुनिया को ऐसी कहानियां भी दी जो लोगों की हिम्मत और अब भी कहीं जिंदा इंसानियत की दास्तां बयां कर गई।
देशभर से आई सकारात्मक कहानियों की तरह, दीदी के अनुभव में भी इंसानियत की झलक, इन्हें उम्मीद और हौंसला देती रही। सरकार की तरफ से दो बार मिले लगभग 3-4 किलो राशन के इलावा, रेहड़ी के पास कपड़ों की दुकान करने वाले परिवार ने भी उनकी राशन देकर पूरी मदद की।
अनलॉक प्रक्रिया के दौरान पूरे 72 दिनों बाद खुली रेहड़ी पर कोरोनावायरस के डर के चलते कम ही लोग आते। किन्हीं दिनों में तो केवल ₹50 – ₹60 की बिक्री हुई। सुनसान सड़क ज़िंदगी की मायूसी का प्रतीक थी। लेकिन इस बीच कुछ ऐसे भी लोग थे, जो केवल इसलिए रेहड़ी पर आते ताकि इनका रोज़गार चलता रहे।
धीरे धीरे मसले कुछ हल होने लगे पर “चार महीने का किराया” अब भी बाकी था। परिवार के लिए सबसे बड़ी राहत तब आई जब मकानमालिक ने लॉकडाउन का पूरा किराया माफ कर दिया। उस दिन को याद करते हुए आज भी दंपति के चेहरे पर आभार का भाव साफ छलकता है।
“हां! उस दिन लगा था अब भी लोगों में कुछ इंसानियत जिंदा है।”
आपदा को कोई बुलाना तो नहीं चाहता पर न जाने कब मुझे पर, आप पर या इस कोरोना के ढीठ मेहमान की तरह पूरी दुनिया पर आ बरपे। परंतु जब तक हम में एक दूसरे की मदद करने का हौंसला है तो जिंदगी में हर मुश्किल से लड़ने का हौंसला भी मुमकिन है।