ये न चहकता आसमां था
पर बस एक सुकून था
आज सब कुछ है पास में
फिर क्यों अनजान सा माहौल है
जो चहको सभी में
पर रातें बेचैन हो
समझ लेना कि शायद
लोगों में ज्यादा मशरूफ हो
अपने लिए भी कुछ वक्त निकाल
कभी तसल्ली से वो किताब उठा
जो छूटे तो उसे रह जाने दे
ख्यालों से कह थोड़ा थम जाने दे
अब जो जाए तो न फिर उम्मीद दे जाना
क्या महसूस करे ये तो ये भी न जाना
तेरे किस्सों को यूं मशहूर है किया
न चाह कर भी क्यों तुझमें दिल है लगा
ईश्क से मुहब्बत-सी नफरत करी
तो क्यों मुलाकात में पिघल सी रही
क्यूं तन्हाई का सुकून अब छूट रहा
तेरा पास न होना क्यों अब खल-सा रहा
क्यों तुझ से यूं मुलाकात हुई
उस शाम क्यों थी धड़कन बढ़ी
Welcoming ourselves to the serene beauty of Panjab University; it is hard not to wish we had more than the last four months of this course. Noon finds us in high spirits trying to enjoy every second of our tiny hourglass, easily too loud for the neighboring classroom while relearning socialization is its own silent tale for quite a few.
Backbencher vibes are finally here to replace the infamous WebEx boxes and our khush-fus the awkward silence online. A group of known unknown meeting in real time for the first time but off-course it has already been a long time. Despite our countless “kaash” longings; we could not be happier to at least end it online. The campus remains an interesting maze for most while the rest too are glad to be back to their favorite place.
Our endless chit-chat, STUC (Student Centre) vibes and break time Uno matches have been the initial ice breakers as our plans for fun clashed with the internship realities. Within my first two days, my wishful thinking was already planning another master’s course only if getting a job post this wasn’t a requirement.
After the first few days of settling in and traversing different groups; the long stroll with hostel gang and requested library tour with Priyanka T. was definitely worth my aching soles while media literacy felt like long awaited nectar to the few who missed those engaging classroom discussions.
Finally meeting people you already called friends as well as the ones who were only fellow names on the roll call a few days back has definitely been worth the wait.
But, with only a real time of a couple of months left; there is so much to do that Room No. 57 ends up stretching through the midnight everyday only to end up with nothing but scrolling, phone calls and conversations as the air scarcely makes its way.
From our first night dinner at Night Food Street to making most out of our little room; we never knew our dissertation comradrie was only paving way for the upcoming hostel adventures.
Today’s timings made no exception but only reversed the order as blogs had to re-find their way as I could not let go of the day without putting them on paper as it almost felt like a missed writing opportunity just like “Gulab-Jamun” in our not so favorite mess food could not escape our plate with or without the accompanying meal.
PS – Starting the chain; you too please keep sharing thy tales. 🙂
There was a time I longed for company
Now sharing space feels overwhelming
A chatterbox once lived for conversations
Today looking forward to nerd’s holy place
From missing it to a daunting surplus
Just too surreal to know what to feel
Still grateful, too late or simply confused?
Too scared for too long for all that awaits
Now is only plain curiosity to see
What curveballs life shall throw
I guess, should be interesting to explore
Improved version or the same old tale 樂
On days that felt too long
Pen brought joy unknown
Guilty about investing wrong
Letting me down, feeling torn
One step fix to all my problems
Once big dream just felt foreign
‘Cos as time caught my fancy
Break with too much of thinking
My heart went traversing to the old
Inhibted by fears but eager to relearn
An art that seems long forgotten
A craft that demand more discipline
Intimidatingly terrifying it is
Yet a lesson, I wish to complete
"I know so many of your plans stand shattered
Tomorrow feel more terrifying than hopeful
But, you have already come a long way
Much longer than you credit yourself for
Take a day or just a breath at a time
But just keep going and we shall all be fine"
As you step out of your shell after months, it feels tiring, daunting and scary, all at the same time but seeing your friends somewhat feeling the same is an almost weird sense of solidarity, an unfortunate comfort that we are in this together but then seeing them standing strong just gives you this amazing amount of inspiration. On days, your own guilt of excuses and wasted time is eating you up like fresh meat; writing to your abstract third self as a friend is currently the biggest solace.
Learning to #Keep_Faith and how…like never before
One of the best advices I heard and found worth living by – ‘Just talk to yourself like you would to your best friend if they were in your shoes;’ though most likely they too are in the same shoes right now. #Reconnecting
Brain cells too numb to concentrate
Mind hyperactive to compensate
Having placed my all at stake
Giving up even before we began
Pen trying its best to change
Desparate despair to faith
How to pick up last shreds
As it already feels too late
Choices gone terribly wrong
Dreams betrayed by my own
Hard work was whose strength
Catching excusable dust today
Back to her old poetic refugee
Frank’s little girl is at it again
Still don’t know why wrote last line which inspired the title but was just recently reminded of Anne Frank and for some unknown reason, her reference just felt right for the verse.
PS – Steve Jobs once adviced our kinds in his Stanford speech, “Life will hit you in the head with a brick but don’t loose faith.”
Though brick on the head phase is still on but let’s see who is gonna last longer😉 #RebuildingMeThroughPen #GoodNight
As I sat in silence trying to read a few pages before I could doze off to sleep, I suddenly felt a weird sense of unfamiliar discomfort. After almost months of more or less solace, suddenly I had taken to my favourite social media status walls to randomly scribble some notes.
Just minutes before I had been embracing my writing wheels but now suddenly I felt like intruding my own private space. Yet, wanting to say it all in my most public yet safest spaces on the web; A messed up blog that is often left unattended and then overused at days at length. After weeks of silence when it had felt bizzare to share how things had crumbled down beyond my control and me suddenly giving up on myself and a dream I had put all of my last few years’ of efforts at stake, suddenly my bizarre writer nerves had decided to show up.
Though all of my expressions today had been ridiculous, I must admit in those brief moments they had almost felt liberating. I don’t know when the old routines would return as my new normal but now I am actually quite curious to see how despite my best efforts and these months of solace, the tiny chatterbox is just gonna show up unannounced on the briefest of provocations.
It’s interesting to see how suddenly we have no idea on how long this pandemic is gonna stay, what our dreams or careers gonna look like in six months as we graduate and how we are even gonna be the same old us or these weird new versions made out of our weird pandemic routines.
But, a lot more importantly what I realised today was how we can still forgive others but often the toughest is to forgive yourself when you let yourself down and you have no clues on how to resume and reboot. Offcourse the pandemic doesn’t leave you with many hopes for future either. But since, I am not the only one suffering the pandemic gloom nor is our batch alone; so despite my despair I don’t find much reason for my gloomy cribbing and try to keep building hope.
Yet, faith seems like a distant friend as confusion and a silent chaos seem to continue to overwhelm, not knowing how to move forward. So, I guess one day, one step at a time it is going to be untill I am in a place to know any better.
For the blog, I have no clue if it’s an Eid ka chand or writing spree that is here to stay. But, untill next time when we meet again, stay well, take care and reach out to whoever feels like the right choice. Don’t cry alone. #StayStrong #StayKind Start practicing love and compassion with the person in the mirror itself and though I am struggling with the same, let’s just hang in here and keep faith. 💜💜💜
"She was his joy amidst serious philosophy
He saw the ground in her contagious energy
The fierce queen was his innocent child
A vulnerable strength of the deadly warrior
She taught him to face his insecure demons
He chose to be her worthwhile extra mile
Only ones who could outshine their love
Yet they chose to bring out the best in other"
PS – Love Stories that can trigger the writer in you. Art is the ultimate solace that can pull you out of the worst and darkest of times. #StayStrong #StayKind #KeepWriting #AWritingManiac